27 Sep Misunderstandings

This is something we all can relate to in an intimate relationship. Because we have different backgrounds and different understandings, we are bound to see things differently. Even if you think you say things so clearly, and “normal” as possible, we will attach different memories and meanings to what has been communicated clearly.

The trouble starts when we attach different menings to these actions or lack of such.

For example we can think “If you love me, you will understand me.” Or “If you are interested in me, you will hear what I have to say”.

This is why misunderstandings can be painful. Forgetting or not being in the right headspace can then lead to “you do not love me” will seem veem illogical to some people. Nonethelss there is a simple logic here and that is our first love is mother or caregiver, and they knew what we needed. Therefore if you love me, you will know what I need is harwired in our brains.

Because we are two adults who have not grown up together, we will have different emotions attached to words, images, places etc. Thus we need to be prepared to unravel, look into what is actually going on.

Avoiding misunderstandings is often traded at the cost of expressing yourself and ultimately lead to a more head centered relationship. Learning to unravel is often what is needed. Ask ekstra questions like “just to check that I got it right,…… is what you were saing”?

Next show on Tuesday, look at ways of handeling inevertable misunderstanding.