19 Oct Masculinity

Written by a woman you say? What does she know about that?

Actually a fair bit. Every person has masculinity and femininity within them. Also I have been fortunate to be trained under Gender Psychology – Creative Couple Work, which has given me much respect for whatever gender you are and where you come from. 

In my professional work as a relationship counsellor, I have met many men. I have learned about how important it is to appreciate them for what is done. Not adored, but seen and appreciated for all efforts being put forward, even if it is not what I need as a woman sometimes.

Tom (made up name) came to see me over a period of 4 years. He had split up with the mother of their son. His wish was that he could learn what had happened in his relationship so he could be a good role model for his son. 

Understanding the relationship we all have between our heart and genitals is important. What have we learned from home? What have we learned from society? What do we ourselves believe about sexual and emotional connection? 

Even if the porn industry wants us to believe that sexuality and feelings are not connected, I must say that all my experiences beg to differ. How many people have I met that just started off being intimate friends with no strings attached to falling in love? How many have I meet that have experenced strong emotional pain when the partner had “just sex” with someone else*? Many

This is not a rant against sex and men. On the contrary, my experience is that men have much heart connection, and I think women can stop saying “he is just doing it to get sex”. OFTEN sex is their love language. And of couse sometimes it is just sex. However people want to learn to sustain love. Not to have a battle between the sexes. Enjoying that we are equal of value and celebrate the differences.